"Death comes to us all. All a man can do is smile back."--Maximus, "Gladiator"

"All the earth is a grave and nothing escapes her."--Nezahualcoyotl (Hungry Coyote)

"Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil."--Charlotte Perkins Gilman

"Religion is the human response to being alive and having to die."--F. Forest Church

"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
and things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art; to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul."
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."--Isaac Asimov

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death."--Robert Fulghum

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."--Winston Churchill

"A young mockingbird woke
And began to sing and lament.
"Hush," was all she said,
and the world went—
silent."
--Me

I give you Nora the piano playing cat. She's quite the talent and quite a pretty tabby.

[link]

Saturday afternoon my brother and I arrived and spent time with our father. He was 66 but looked 96—thin and frail and barely able to move. I held his hand for a while and spoke with him as much as he was able. My brother and I said our goodbyes in our own way. Sunday night at 7:40 PM EST he died. The memorial service was Tuesday and after that my brother and I drove back home.

Currently I'm just numb and exhausted. I barely even realize that tomorrow is Christmas—so tired.

Thankyou to everyone who has been kind and supportive through this mess.

It's 5AM and in 4 hours I'll be waking up so that I can begin a 12 hour drive with my brother. We will be visiting our dad for the last time. If I see him again it will likely be in a casket. At this point, I'm not even sure if he'll be alive when we get there tomorrow. I have a suit packed just in case.

What do you get your father for his last christmas on earth? I don't know. If he's even conscious and capable of cognitive I will be somewhat surprised. Perhaps I'll just find something the three of us can blow up. That's always a good father/son activity.

I'll see you all when I get back. Have a good weekend and a happy holiday.

Just heard from my Aunt.

"As you may know, Dan has completed three rounds of chemo. Within the last two weeks, the pain has almost been unbearable - literally taken him to his knees. We assumed the pain was the expected pain which comes with bone cancer; however, now his oncologist isn't sure. He has extreme pain in his shoulder, spine, hips and legs. He has almost lost the use of his left arm. The doctor isn't sure if a tumor is pinching a nerve or what. Today he had an extended MRI of the chest, and tomorrow he goes back for another MRI of the shoulder (these are done with and without contrast - haven't a clue what that means!). They are trying to see what's going on in the soft tissue.

He's now taking massive does of pain meds - just about anything that begins with "Oxy!" When I call, I'm not sure if he remembers our last conversation or not. He's really loopy! I laugh and tell him that's why this stuff has such a street value. Even with the humongous doses, his pain is still at a "6." He's not sleeping at night and has virtually no appetite - his weight is down to 148 as of today!!

If I understand correctly, if they discover a tumor which could be reduced by radiation, they might start down that road. The good news is that the chemo seems to be reducing the number of cancer cells. The bad news is this cancer will keep popping up in new places and his "quality" of life lessens with each day. He still is very concerned about Barbara and has even tried to give her some foot massages to help her relax. She is a jewel indeed - often staying awake for hours to use a heated massager on his neck and shoulders to relieve the pain. I'm so thankful that she's in our lives and I love her dearly.

Another round of chemo should start in about a week (August 4 or 5), provided his blood work will allow. The cancer has really trashed his blood, but we're hopeful that he can continue to take it! I've always heard that chemo will either cure you or kill you!!"